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Cox’s Bazar

I arrive in Cox’s Bazar and figure that I will check into Sea view hotel. “It really does have sea views” states the Lonely Planet. Oh the lies, the sea is no where in sight, military compound views more like. The sea was over a Kilometre away behind a forest. So I thought I would check into  Hotel Silver Shine, the guide book purported a swimming pool on the rooftop. This would be nice over Christmas I thought. Yes there was a swimming pool, but it was constantly locked and what is more they wanted me to pay to get it unlocked.

 

Now with guidebooks I can understand when something changes, a hotel closes or a road is built or a freak forest fire burns down half the village, these things can’t be helped and will lead to inaccuracy. But when the authors tell such blatant lies as “It really does have sea views”, when the sea is nowhere in sight. I am sorry it generally takes thousands of years for the sea to recess over a kilometre, less a large tsunami is expected. There is nothing that infuriates me more and makes me want to burn my guide book.

 

I now know what Adolf Hitler was doing in Germany burning books. They were the Lonely Planet guide to Nazi Germany. Aushwitz “Quiet, hot showers, simple food, come here and you will never want to leave, frequented by the Israeli crowd and people with the disposition to sell lucky heather, sea view” .

 

“What” cries Adolf, “They didn’t mention it was right next to a busy railway line”.

 

 

So here is my guide to some adjectives and adverbs used in guide books:

 

Tranquil sea – The sewage outfall comes out at the other end of the beach, so you best swim between 6 and 11 when the current is running in the opposite direction.

 

Beautiful location – Yeah, if you are a plane spotter.

 

Clean rooms – I wouldn’t touch it with yours.

 

Quiet location – The sound of the neighbor’s television will drown out the sound of the busy road.

 

Hot water – Cold water.

 

Friendly staff – Please see the Lonely Planet guide to Nazi Germany.

 

 

Guide book manufacturers please stop with the lies less you want me to start a website called the Polonely Planet list of guidebook lies pointing out your fabrications of the truth, lets leave that to the holiday companies, please.

 

Rant over. 

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