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After 8 months away I am now back in blighty – land of hope and glory; the green, green grass of home; village ponds with ducks and Tesco trolleys; the middle classes; pornographic films made in England, dubbed into German and purveyed back to England with English subtitles; beer with strange names; dead poplar trees and recession.


What exactly is recession? Credit crunch apparently, that’s what it is. What is credit crunch then?


Here go the theories. This is a highly researched entry with information gleamed from doctors of economics and in no way derived or driveled from drunken snippits of conversations down the pub. Honest!!


Modern economies exist on the premise of society doing pointless things. Fact. The Egyptians figured this one out several millennia ago. The pyramids, pointless, the most pointless thing ever built – pretty and big, impressive but pointless. It wasn’t build by slaves as films starring Charlton Heston will have you believe; no it was proper salaried workers. Slaves are a burden on a primitive evolving society. Why is this? If you pay your slaves so that they become non slaves, you can then tax them, they buy things that allow that person to be taxed; the taxes are then collected to fund the systems that are put in place to protect the system of taxation. An army is formed, whom incidentally are taxed. If you have an army then you may as well invade someone else to see if you can tax them…  The politicians and kings and well to do of ancient Egypt cream off their bit. The plebs think they are happy because they think they are not slaves. Society then invents beer and all is good.


So how does this in depth research relate to the modern world? Well the only thing that any local, regional, television program harps on about is  the recession.  Stories like “2,000 homes have been shelved because of the credit crunch and duck found in pond” Well the credit crunch exists, because 2,000 homes have been shelved and all the other shelving that is going on on other regional programs.


Stoppit I say get a grip….regional television programmes are destroying modern society. There is nothing more they like to do than gloat over the failings of their local community. And then there is day time television. A year or so back they were full of optimistic programmes on home improvements, buying a house someplace warmer than Bognor Regis, doing up barns, spend, spend, spend. But now it is all about saving the pennies – middle class families that are doing all right are encouraged to scour their properties for anything with any value – dusty old crap, family heirlooms and precocious children are all being flogged for the cash strapped middle classes.


Television the media are solely responsible for the credit crunch and to that matter the inflated use of credit that existed before. What we need to do is think like the Egyptians, go off and fill our lives with bold endeavours that cost us a huge wad of cash. I am not saying that we fill our green and pleasant land with pyramids or other stone structures of such grandeur….. but if you shut yourself away and only eat Tesco stripey value products, the only people that will benefit are Tesco and we all know that they are evil. All local stores will close and be replaced by Tesco Metros. Individuality will cease to exist. Tesco will be the largest company in the world and will control everything we do. Remember all the science fiction films where society is controlled by the large corporate – our security, what we do, what we think, what we eat. Tesco are in cahoots with day time television, what we are seeing is not a recession or a credit crunch, but the Machiavellian take over of the world. Beware the end is nigh.


So anyway it is nice to be back in England. Because of popular demand I have chosen to keep this blog going, there is way too much happening in the world for me to avoid putting my four peneth in.

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