Indians find it difficult to say a frank ‘No’ to requests they are unable or unwilling to grant. *
This is a phenomenon that I have encountered many a time on my travels in the sub continent. It most commonly arises when I am asking for bus times. A typical conversation will go something like.
“Excuse me, what time does the bus leave for such and such”
“Oh that will be 8.30” with a certain amount of head wagging.
Not convinced I ask somebody else.
“Excuse me, what time does the bus leave for such and such”
“Oh that will be 7.30” with a certain amount of head wagging.
Still not convinced.
“Excuse me, what time does the bus leave for such and such”
“Oh you have missed the last bus, there it goes now” with a certain amount of head wagging.
Ok, so maybe I should learn the language, then I could read a timetable, a fair cop. But if you don’t know, tell me, it is far more productive than just pulling a random figure out of the air.
The other thing that amuses me is that you will get the direct answer to the question that was asked. For instance, if I say “Is there an ATM down here” and indicate down the road. I will receive the answer “Oh yes” with more indicating down the road.
Anyway, 2 miles of blistering heat later, I come across the sodding ATM, only find that it has run out of rupees. Walking back the way I have come I discover that there is an ATM literally yards away from where I initially asked, in the other direction. But that is not what I asked. I indicated the direction and everything why on earth would I expect somebody to counter my request and say “Oh no, that one is 2 miles away, it is near a casino and always runs out of rupees, why not use that one just over there”.
The expression “Be careful what you ask for, because you just may get it” comes to mind.
It appears that these phenomenon exist because of the cultural obstacles in giving or receiving negative feedback. The preservation of relationships being the primary principle governing the actions within an interpersonal situation.
It all comes down to saving face by not admitting ignorance and does not introduce any negative vibes in the fleeting relationship that just happened.
I actually love this phenomenon. It is so much more fun than saying “I have no idea what you are talking about” or “I haven’t got a clue” – just make something up, complete random drivel – brilliant.
Colin Laidlaw doctorate in Astro Physics here I come.
· Ref page 19, The Indians, a portrait of a people by Sudhir Kakar and Katharina Kakar
5 comments
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July 31, 2008 at 9:56 am
Jez
‘Complete random drivel’ – awesome. I’ve experienced a similar thing with our Indian builder (and his men) Not so much head wagging, but more constant ‘over-talking’ or multiple conversations in English and Punjabi that overlap when talking about guttering to two builders at the same time !! I find myself walking backwards, nodding my head and repeatingly saying thankyou!
July 31, 2008 at 5:25 pm
nick fox
There’s an ATM at the BP Garage, off Kidbrooke Park Road. Hope this might be useful … well, you never know.
Quote:
“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance – that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”
Herbert Spencer
August 7, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Dr Kolla
Colinius Laidlawrus!
Loving your narration in your own amusing but eloquent way, bravo! Many of your tales remind me of years past in Lagos (Nigeria). Nice to know that you’re taking a philosophical view to it all; living outside ones home-country always boosts character. Oh yeah, be on the lookout for a chap called Plasmodium, can immobilise you for days amigo. He also has a predilection for non-natives (LOL).
Go forth and prosper!
August 8, 2008 at 6:08 am
colinlaidlaw
Hi Dr K thanks for the advice on the Plasmodium I’m going to watch out for these little buggers.
Nick, can you get some cash out for me and send it in large brown envelopes.
Jez…try saying “Jaldi, Jaldi Banchoud”, this could ease the process. Its literal meaning is “Faster, faster, sister fucker” (Sorry for the swearing, it is generally banned from my blog).
Actually I am told that it isn’t taken literally, but is much softer…something like bloody hell….You try it first and then let me know.
August 13, 2008 at 4:01 am
nick fox
Large brown envelope on its way, Col. Just managed to catch the post (I sensed the urgency in your appeal). Cash to follow.
Nick
PS The ATM at the BP Garage, like God, knows me by name. I don’t have to submit my PIN number, even. It recognises my figer tips, I suppose, and the quiet despair that causes them dance in demented hope upon its keyboard. We are in relationship now, which is all I’ve ever wanted. (I yearn for companionship, nothing more. I believe it thinks I’m poor, ’cause it keeps handing out money. Bloody odd business, this). Don’t breathe a word of this to anyone, okay?