Commuting in Bombay is hardcore. London during rush hour has nothing on this. Firstly, to get on the train you realize why God invented elbows. There is no consideration for people getting off the train, it is every man for themselves. I say every man, because women get their own carriage, and I imagine it is the same process for them. I say carriage, but what I really mean is a sweaty, stinking, human, cattle wagon.
So once on, and you are comfortably crammed and jostled against your sweaty fellow man, the only thing you can think about is who is rifling your pockets at that very moment. Lets face it they are all blagards and scallywags your bigoted colonial gene cries out.
The lucky commuters hang out the door and take in the air, which is a pulsating sine wave between urine, vomit, excrement and dead dog. The railway line is home to thousands and the tracks – well if you didn’t have a toilet where would you go.
So then there is the issue of getting off. This requires more planning than D day. At least 3 stops before your stop you need to be making your way towards daylight. However, you must contend with the people that, cunningly, have the same idea as you. Furthermore, you must also contend with elbow wielding people that believe it is their god given right to get on the train.
Often, at particularly popular stops, a mini riot breaks out as the masses ejaculate onto the platform like the sperm from a Blue Whale. I saw one guy with henna died hair (A topic within itself), repeatedly striking a fellow passenger because he dare be in his way, before marching off towards the proverbial Blue Whale egg.
Beware the masses, for when they act as one, they loose the rational thought of the individual.
8 comments
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July 24, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Chris Billett
Col – I see you are not a fan of the question mark still. A quick search finds one on your blog, amongst a plethora of questions! Nevermind, I will make up for it for you? They are free, after all?
Do you have many people with mobile phones going boomdiggabingbing over there?
July 25, 2008 at 2:36 am
stuart
Now you probable realize why I said that you were mad to go there in the first place. My thoughts have not changed.
July 25, 2008 at 4:39 am
colinlaidlaw
Yes I am rubbish when it comes to the question mark, it is that whole curvey bit that irks me. It isn’t right.
And Stu, good thing I am mad, India is a great country.
July 26, 2008 at 10:10 pm
nick fox
You are both right and righteous in avoiding the question mark. Insidious glyphic; destabilising, and a loathsome creator of disunity. It’s all to your credit, Col, that you give the blighters a swerve.
July 26, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Lindsay
Loved this one, Col. SO TRUE!!! Keep up the good obo’s.
August 3, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Chris Billett
You both have a point on questionmarks, and I for one am fully in support of the interrobang in its place. If you don’t know what that is, look it up.
Vote interrobang!
August 5, 2008 at 11:45 am
colinlaidlaw
I am actually interested, well actually I am not interested…but I like the spanish upside down question mark to start a sentence.
As in question……and then say what you are going to say.
As opposed to say what you are going to say and then question.
What is the point of that, you know it is a question, because it sounded like one.
Lets become Spanish…and eat tapas.
col
May 24, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Maghin
Super-Dense Crush Load
From wikipedia
“Due to its extensive reach across the Mumbai Metropolitan Region, and its intensive use by the local urban population, overcrowding has grown to be a compelling problem (5,000 + passengers are packed into a 9-car rake during peak hours, as against the rated carrying capacity of 1,700). This has resulted in what is known as Super-Dense Crush Load of 14 to 16 standing passengers per square meter of floor space. Trains on the suburban line are on average more than 4 minutes apart, contributing to the problem of overcrowding. The impending introduction of new higher speed rakes may help address the issue.”